Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
