I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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