the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
