Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
