we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's the barista slut.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
