god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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