Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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