I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
