Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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