I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
