I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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