problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
