how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
