last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she smelled like a LAN party
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
