Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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