U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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