Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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