two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
