I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
