Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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