So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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