Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
