she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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