I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
