He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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