Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
