drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That accounts for only three of the penises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
