theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
