I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's rum buckets o'clock
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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