I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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