I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
