my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
