Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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