I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's shark week go big or go home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
