nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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