Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
