I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
