It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize