Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
