Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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