I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
