East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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