Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
