why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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