I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
