Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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