I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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