totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
