I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
