Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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