Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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