It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
