11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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