Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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