I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
