If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
