I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
