take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
