There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
