I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
