when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
