Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
