I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
