It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
