I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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