Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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