you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
