I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
