I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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