You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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