is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
