I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
