I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize